Direct Quotes From the Transportation Security Administration

Middle aged TSA Agent checking IDs and boarding passes; as said to the guy in front of me in line, heading home from Denver:

Agent: "Back to Florida, eh?"
Passenger: "Yup, a whole lot warmer down that w..."
Agent: "Yeah, but I can out drink you."
Passenger: "..."
Agent: "I went and visited my friends down there, drank 'em ALL under the table, AND drove us all home."
Passenger: "..."
Agent: "Have a good flight!"

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Real life. Beats fiction. Everytime.